some infant is going to be seriously cool

According to Slate, scientologists believe in some form of reincarnation. That means the soul (they call it a "thetian") of the recently departed Issac Hayes will inhabit some new person...who will become the coolest person in its whole maternity ward immediately upon birth. Lucky bastard.

the power of Christ compells you

There has apparently been a revitalization of the ritual of exorcism. No word yet on if the subject's head really does spin in circles.